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My Life Outside Syria: Diary Entry 56

Marah, a teenage girl from one of Syria’s besieged cities, has been sharing her stories of life in the war. With her mother and siblings, she left Syria, stopping off in Turkey before making the precarious crossing to Greece by boat. Now in Switzerland, she recounts events in a new country.

Written by Marah Published on Read time Approx. 2 minutes

I have been searching for warmth, safety and stability for many years. I have been searching for a peace that would inhabit my soul and project on everything around me.

I met with the guy that I told you about earlier at my aunt’s house in Lausanne, Switzerland. He came with his family so that we could finally meet in person, after seven months of a relationship that formed over the phone. I was very embarrassed and stressed out. I said hello to his family members and I shook everyone’s hand, but when I went to say hello to him, he hugged me really hard in front of everybody, even though I have not said yes to his marriage proposal. What he did was completely unacceptable in our tradition and culture, so everyone was shocked. But, in that shocking moment, something magical happened. My stress disappeared and my soul was at peace.

During that first meeting, I said yes; I agreed to marry this guy and start a family with him. Everyone was shocked with my decision, but I was determined. My mother asked me to postpone my decision for a month or two, in order for us to get to know each other a little bit. I did not object to her request, but, deep inside me, something that I cannot explain was telling me that there was no need for more time – he was the one. Is this what they call love at first sight? My mother says that what I felt was because I need a man in my life after losing my father, but it does not matter to me. I always wanted a husband who would be a father, a friend and a partner. That has always been my dream, and I have finally found it.

After meeting him in person, I could not stop thinking about him. So, against everybody’s will, I decided to marry him. I know that I might have made the wrong decision, but I promise you, I could not control myself. Some mysterious force was pushing me to make the decision.

I left the refugee camp and joined him in his house. My mother got really angry at first, but she eventually supported me. Some people criticized me, but who are they to judge me? I have been through a lot, and I need this man. He can provide me with the peace that I have long been looking for. Contrary to what I had expected, when I stepped into his house for the first time, I felt at home immediately. The house gave me safety and stability. Do I love him or do I need him?

He is a very kind man. I feel that, with him, I will finally be able to enjoy life after my long and painful journey. I have finally found love and kindness – and people keep asking me to take my time! Sure, I will not wait or hesitate. I finally feel that I own the whole world. This man has filled the place of everyone else. When I am next to him, I feel that I do not need anything from this world. I am very excited. My life with him is the beginning of academic and professional success. I trust this man, but sometimes I wonder how I came to trust him after all that I have been through.

He promised that he will always be here for me, and support me so that I can go back to school and continue my studies. I hope I made the right decision, and I hope that life will not shock me once again. Pray for me, please!

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