My mind keeps taking me back to the past. I can’t stop comparing how my life was to how it is now. Although I’m not a person who is stuck in her past, and although I try really hard to cope with my present reality, there are moments when some power pulls me back to the past against my will.
The month of Ramadan had always been my favorite time of the year. To me, it was more than just fasting. It was a month of family, love and affinity. Ramadan used to be a time for families to get together and to share food with those they love. But since the beginning of the war, everything changed, and all of these beautiful details disappeared. Most families are either displaced or they have fled the country. This year, I tried to recapture some of those moments. I called some relatives of mine, but unfortunately, hearing about their hard circumstances made me more depressed. Connecting with family also reminded me of my father – I miss him a lot, and he is always on my mind. I remember him every time my mother cooks something that he used to like. My mother wants us to celebrate his memory, but also get used to his absence. I understand and appreciate her attempts, but it is just too hard. Everything is depressing this year, even the TV shows. They all address one thing: the Syrian crisis and its impact on people. What an ignorant media! They have no idea what people really need. We live this crisis. We witness fear and misery every day and we absolutely don’t want to watch it over and over again. We borrowed our neighbor’s extra TV to entertain ourselves a little, and I only watched comedy.
Since it is finals week, I had to take the week off. The air is very thick in our house. We’ve lost patience. We are very stressed, and we let it out on each other. We are lucky to have my mother around. She is the one who keeps us going and keeps us close as a family. She sometimes loses her strength and seems like she will give up, but she always pulls herself together. Because of this great woman, I believe that, despite of all the challenges, my family will stay strong. We are human, and it is natural to have weak moments.
Finally, I want to tell you that I have not been able to focus lately. I open a book to study, I stare at the pages but I don’t see any words. It seems like it is written in a language that I don’t even read. I’ve lost interest in everything, even my cell phone, which I used to spend hours on. I need a solution. I need to regain my energy in order to focus and succeed. Would you please help me?